Self Esteem in the superhero world

I wish I was Tony Stark. Not the suit or the money (although both would be nice!) but that absolute confidence in who he is and what he can do. 

But even superheroes can be affected by emotional problems. I loved that Iron Man 3 dealt with his PTSD after the events in New York. I think that's why I connect with these stories and characters so much. Bruce Banner (as seen in The Avengers) had basically become a recluse after the Hulks' rampage. And don't even get me started on Loki. That boy has some serious issues! 

Before this turns into a fangirl lovefest about the Marvel cinematic universe, the point I'm trying to make is that every single one of us, regardless of circumstance, can have trouble with holding onto what's good about ourselves. 

I was powerfully reminded of this after I published my last blog post. The response was beautifully overwhelming to say the least. 

To all those who contacted me and had words of kindness, love and support, I am so very grateful and thankful. I'm trying to think of words to convey the effect it had on me but there aren't words big enough. I shall just say that I love each and every one of you. <3 

I was talking to the friend that was involved in the Dementor post. She had some words for me, which I expected. I had warned her beforehand that it was not a pretty read and she had every right to react in whatever way she wanted to. During that talk I realised (and told her) that this can really be a selfish illness. It can be so hard to deal with someone who's having mood swings for no apparent reason. I have nothing but the utmost respect for any person that bears the brunt of that. The fact that she took the blog post calmly and was prepared to talk it through again reinforced just how amazing this woman is and how lucky I am to have her in my life. Who's the superhero in this situation? :) 

I seem to have wandered off the original topic so I shall hastily come back to it. 

Self Esteem. 

From my perspective, it's hard to come by and even harder to keep. I envy those who have it and I want to boost those that have little. We are all unique individuals, each with our own talents and skills. So I'm going to make a list of the things that I know I'm good at. 

1. Marathoning TV shows.

If there was an Olympic event for this then I assure you that that gold medal would be mine! 

2. Drinking excessive amounts of coffee.  

3. Daydreaming. 

I have plots, characters, tragedy and comedy. 

4. Comfort eating. 

I'm a pro. So says the size of my ass! 

5. Fangirling. 

A much overlooked skill. It requires great mental prowess to remember so much useless information when it comes to obsessing about your chosen subject. 

6. Internal fangirling. 

This is actually very important. For example: I love the show Supernatural. Over the last few years I have been lucky enough to meet the cast at conventions. Internal fangirling (by my own definition) is basically the ability to be able to hold a normal conversation with an actor (another human being when all said and done) without laughing hysterically, crying hysterically or yelling "OH MY GOD, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!". I can do this extremely well. 

7. Looking at a photo of me and not hating it. 

This is complicated. I don't like photos of me at all. I have to put up with my face in the mirror, why would I want to look at a picture of me?!! The answer is: because of the people and the moment that that photo captures. Another example. I had a photo op with Jared Padalecki at a con. The moment itself was amazing! He was lovely, I got to cuddle him, what's not to love?! Then I got the photo back. And I hated it. So much so that I couldn't look at it. But by the end of the day I loved it. Because I remembered the moment and him and it was awesome! The same goes for multiple photos of me and my girls at the barrier at gigs. <3 

8. Babbling and word vomiting on a blog. 

This is a new entry. Some people have been kind enough to say to me that they think I'm brave for doing this. Much as I thanked them for this massive compliment, I kind of didn't get why they thought it was brave. Brave, to me, is going out and living, not being inside and typing. But then I thought about what it takes for me to post this stuff. The writing itself is great! Pouring whatever you're thinking about onto a blog post is actually a really good feeling! Then comes the moment when I have to hit 'share'. I think that's where the bravery element comes in. It takes me a good 15 minutes from finishing writing to posting. In that 15 mins it's re-reading, questioning, maybe some editing and the inevitable procrastination! In the end I just force myself to do it! Then I switch everything off until curiosity gets the better of me and I have a sneaky peek to see if anyone has read it! 

And you are reading it. And for that I am profoundly grateful. As I said to someone last night, feedback and commenting lets me know that I made the right decision to share in the first place. :) 

Making that list just made me giggle an awful lot! I highly recommend it! If you decide to make your own list then please do share it as I'd love to see them! 

Remember, we all have awesomeness within us. It's easy to forget that whilst we're going about our day to day lives. Take a few minutes out to recognise what's awesome about you. 

Love, Anxiety Girl xoxo