Over the last few days my brain has been whirling with thoughts and feelings. So much so that I have to write about it somewhere or my head may well explode. I don't like messy clean-ups so here I am.
I've never taken a "celebrity death" this personally before. Because to me this isn't a "celebrity death". This is the death of a man who was just like me. I see so many others out there who, because of Mr Williams' passing, are now speaking up and telling people for the first time about their own history with mental health.
These people are brave and awesome and I applaud their courage with everything that's in me. The truth is that, for most people, mental health disorders are a shameful secret. I kept my secret for a long time. Years.
Why? Because I was afraid. Afraid of judgement, being told to 'shut up and get on with it' and the most damning of all, "other people have cancer/are starving/have way worse lives than you".
It's true. People suffer in a multitude of ways every day in every country. Another truth is that feeling trapped in your own mind is horrific.
I feel very strongly that the dialogue about mental health is so loud at this time that I need to add my voice. To make it louder and to keep it going for the next 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years even. I've spoken about my experiences on FaceBook and even though my friends may not understand exactly what I'm going through, I've been met with open minds and open hearts.
With that in mind I hope to write here about what this illness feels like, looks like, sounds like and how all of us can help deal with it. Because chances are there's someone that you know that's going through this.
And when I say hope, I mean hope. If I'm having a bad day then my brain tells me that no one wants to hear what I have to say about anything, that my opinion doesn't matter to anyone and no one will read it anyway.
But I'm going to try. For Robin Williams, for me and for all of us who are constantly fighting our own minds.
Love, Anxiety Girl xoxo
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