As someone who has a long history of mental health issues, I can spot the symptoms a mile off, particularly if it's someone who is close to me. I'm very fortunate in that respect, but even that can bring its own issues.
I've known for a while that someone close to me was having a tough time. By 'a while' I mean months and months. Part of me wanted to fly in straightaway and say "Right, you need to do this, this and this and I'm here to listen to you." But as I know full well from experience, that sometimes that actually doesn't help. It can make someone feel worse and like an added pressure.
So I waited it out. I was always there and I let them know that. I have a habit of always telling the people I love that I love them, so that was always there too. But it was so frustrating sometimes. To the point that I'd get frustrated and angry within myself. There were some times when I had to conciously remind myself to keep a lid on it. Showing any kind of negativity towards someone who is already in a bad place is really not going to help.
Saying that, I did slip a couple of times, I'm only human after all. I think it was because there is a great deal of trust in this relationship and the emotional part of me just couldn't understand why this person wouldn't let me in and help share their burden.
That's because I've learned over the years that talking really does help, whether it be someone you know and trust or a professional. However (and this is a VERY important point) you cannot and should not ever try and force someone to tell you how they're feeling.
The reason being is that it is ridiculously hard to put into words the feeling of emptiness, the absolute lack of emotion that goes along with depression.
One of my own warning signs is when I've been fake laughing and smiling for a period of time. You know the conversation or situation is amusing, yet you have to force the laugh out because you just don't feel it in your gut. You put on a lovely fake smile and go about your business.
I'm sure we've all been through a situation where someone we love is in pain and there's not a damn thing we can do about it. Whether the pain is physical or emotional, the feeling of helplessness is excruciating.
I will make one point very clear here. If you genuinely believe that someone you know is in danger of hurting themselves, then fly in. Fly in gently, but fly in. You could save a life.
So, after the waiting and the hoping, it seems like my loved one is ready to open up. I am ready to listen and reassure them that they are loved and cared for and that they're not alone. I have infinite hugs ready and waiting and both shoulders are available for crying on.
I remember the isolation of the early years so well. I think that's what gets to me so much when I know someone is struggling too. Feeling alone or lonely is crippling in itself and I hate the thought that people suffer in silence.
With that in mind, can I please encourage all of you reading this to head to www.time-to-change.org.uk
This is a government backed initiative, funded by the Lottery and Comic Relief and aided by the incredible mental health charities, Mind and Rethink.
It's a campaign to end the stigma of mental health issues and encourage people to have conversations about it.
There is a pledge that you can sign to say that you are committed and there is an option to post this pledge to social media.
As a Time To Change Champion, I would love to think that my ramblings on here may contribute to a larger conversation that could potentially help other people in the same situation as me. They can also be found at facebook.com/timetochange and @timetochange on Twitter.
As for me, well, I seem to be doing ok! In retrospect I so desperately needed this time away from 'the real world' for a bit. To get my logical head back in place and to get back to who I really am, instead of putting on the fake smile and being someone that I think the world wants to see.
The laughs are back to being real and my ability to cry from anything but frustration has returned which are both excellent, healthy indicators. Of course I'm a little scared about heading back to work and dealing with it, but I'm in a much better place to be able to do so. :)
I'll leave you with some excellent tips from Time To Change about how to try and help someone who may be suffering from a mental health condition. Above all, always remember, you are never alone. There are people, friends or strangers, who know how this feels and are ready, willing and able to assist your recovery. My inbox is always open and anything that is said will remain in strictest confidence. <3
Until next time.
Love, Anxiety Girl xoxo
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