Sounds like such a short time, doesn't it? I guess it is, in the grand scheme of things.
Yesterday I finished my 5th week at my new job at Kings. I came home feeling really good about myself and even looking forward to Monday! (Wtf?!) I know it's all new and sparkly and the feeling may wear off soon but I'm going to make the most of every minute!
It's amazing to think that only 4 months ago I was being told that I was terrible with people and that maybe customer service wasn't for me. Now, I'm in conference calls with the head IT guys at Kings College London because my input is valued.
I'm still getting used to being treated with respect. Sometimes I doubt myself and wonder why I'm being trusted with these things. That's only in downtime though. In the moment, I just get on with it.
It's taking me some time to settle in with the new crowd but honestly, they are lovely. My trust issues are slowly subsiding and I'm letting them in, little by little. I will admit that I went in with a big smile but also with my defences all the way up. The fact that I sit next to my boss all day was, at first, incredibly unsettling. Nothing against him personally at all, of course, but I was tense for the first couple of days.
Now we've begun to bond over a mutual love of rock music and gaming. :)
I've found I have some kindred spirits there. People who have been through really crappy experiences, survived and have emerged stronger and with a desire to help and empower others to do the best that they can. I can't tell you how much I LOVE this!
Weirdly, I'm actually looking forward to things like Christmas do's and social stuff that we may all do together. Haven't had that feeling in a while! I worked with a lovely group of people in my last job too but the thought of spending any more time with certain people made it an absolute 'not going to happen'!
In 4 very short months I've gone from feeling completely worthless to beginning to gain back the self esteem and confidence I had before. I thought that it would take me years. But it just proves that when you're in the right environment with supportive people then you can do things that you never thought you could.
I'm just so thankful and so grateful. For everything. For having the support of my family, my old friends, my new friends, all of whom are constantly encouraging me.
For anyone who feels unhappy with their current experience, please look for something new. Try and change your situation as much as it's in your power to do so.
Don't be like me and stick it out thinking things will change for the better as they probably won't. I'm not encouraging anyone to just up and hand their notice in, like I did. But just DO something.
They say that the grass is never greener on the other side. I disagree. :)
Yours, with optimism,
Anxiety Girl xoxo
